I never considered myself a "writer." Until I was 65, I had never thought about authoring a book. It was—and still is—a fascinating and rewarding journey.
When I was 53, a newspaper reporter discovered I was an incest survivor. To my dismay, the next morning it was on the front page of the Denver Post. My worst nightmare had come true. Now ... people knew. No longer would I be a former Miss America. Instead, I would be an incest survivor. The shame was overwhelming.
A call came in. "We need to hold a press conference."
"Never,” was my response.
A long silence, “They will call your mother and your three sisters," the voice responded.
I said, "What time is the press conference?" The story was back on the front pages.
A reporter from People Magazine asked to interview me. It became a cover story, but, again, no details surrounded my 13 years of horrific nightmares generated by my father that started when I was only five.
Twelve movie producers and eight book publishers called me. I said, "Thank you but never."
Congresswoman Pat Schroeder asked me to testify. Three Congress members and three to testify. I could do that. What I didn't know is that there would be 900 people seated behind me. The National Child Advocacy Center convention. After my testimony, I had 32 requests to speak to state conferences. After every talk, people would line up for two to three hours to tell me their stories.
There was one word I kept hearing - brother ... brother ... brother ...
Brothers? That word led me to further research. I learned that 14-year-olds comprise the largest number of sex offenders of any age group. It was stunning information.
No one knows how to stop a man like my father but we do know how to stem the tide of teenagers inappropriately touching a younger or less powerful child. We do it by talking to them.
At the end of my presentations, I began asking—actually, pleading with—the parents of my audiences to talk to their children. Their responses were often:
What do I say?
How do I begin that conversation?
Thirteen years after my story became public, I wrote and published Miss America By Day because I knew I could persuade parents to talk to their children. The book with everything in it—not the radically edited book version that the traditional publishers wanted years before. If I were to do it, it must be my story and my voice. And it must include the fascinating stories of others that I have been told since that press
conference in 1990. Crushing stories. Inspiring stories.
Most people don't want to read about sexual abuse or statistics so I had to hook my readers so they would read the last chapters. Many readers told me that they cannot put the book down when they hit my ninth chapter, The Power of the Mind. Parents usually start reading the chapter that reveals the “brother” factor” thinking, "Not my son." By the end of the chapter, they know this is a conversation they have to have. "Thank you for helping me start the conversation and for knowing what to say."
I knew if I were going to write a book, I would have to put it all out there. Specific conversations. Details of the trauma and my dogged resolve to heal.
What is so rewarding about having written a book is experiencing my readers. Having men and women line up after my presentations. Each holding my book, pages turned down, stickies, coffee stains and so, and so much highlighting. After one speech, a Marine said, "I served in Iraq and Afghanistan. You were speaking to me today. I have anger, guilt, and night terrors. Thank you." Another wrote, "When you wrote about your mother, I felt as if you were talking directly to me. Thank you."
I could not have written the book without our peaceful, quiet, condo in Vail. I would leave every Tuesday morning before 5:00 am. Once there, I would write nonstop for ten hours each day. I had been writing for years. Snippets. Paragraphs. Notes. Pages. All thrown into a box—five of them. There was research, articles, and torn pages out of books, and magazines. Letters. Stories. Late Thursday, I would return to Denver. Week after week until I was done.
As I was finishing, I began looking for a literary agent. I flew to New York and met her. Liked her. Harper Collins, it is, I
thought.
But then one day, my daughter, ran through the back door crying. With JOY. Knowing Jennifer as I do, I said, "You're pregnant."
My next thought was I have to get a book published in seven months. After much rejoicing and hugging, I called Joyce Meskis, the visionary owner of the Tattered Cover Bookstore in Denver, and said, "How do I get a book out in seven months?"
She referred me to Marilyn Ross at About Books for editing and help. I placed the call. We spoke at some length. I had a gut feeling that this was it—the way to publish my book.
I knew I would need an attorney to draw up the contract to go forward. My husband Larry, daughter, sister, son in law, brother in law are all lawyers. If Larry wrote it, he would protect me endlessly because that's just what he does.
So, I called a firm and said, "This is what I need you to do. Just say 'Yes - yes - yes,' and then I will write you a letter releasing you from liability for any decisions I should not have made.”
That night, I said to Larry, "Jennifer is pregnant and I have signed a contract with a book publisher."
"I would like to see the contract." I smiled and said, "You will never see the contract," then laughed. Larry didn’t.
When the book came back from the editor, my first grandchild was a few weeks old. Jennifer and I began reading what the editor had changed. It was awful. No, it wasn’t awful ... it was horrid. I called the publisher and I said, "I am not asking for any money back but we will not be using you and your editor. My daughter is super smart and she has a three-month maternity leave. She and I will re-edit the book. We will publish it and Oak Ridge Press was born."
When the book was available, I called the Tattered Cover and asked if I could do a book signing. The coordinator for events said, “There are no openings, we are completely scheduled. Within days, another call. “We found an opening.”
I arrived thirty minutes early and glanced into the room that seated less than 80 people. Turning to the person in charge, "We will need every available chair. Every single chair." She looked at me as if to say, You seem very self-important.
By 7:00 pm, every seat was taken. People were standing in the back, sitting on the steps, lining the walls. From what we could glean, almost everyone bought a book that night.
I had never had a mentor. Judith Briles just showed up in my life. She began to guide me. She said, "Send your book to Writers Digest to enter it in their book awards. They give awards." I said, "That is so ridiculous. Thank you, but no." "Send it," Was her response—she has a very persuasive way about her. A few months later, a woman from Writer’s Digest called. “Your book has won the first place award among
1,900 books submitted., I was like a 10-year-old. I literally jumped up and down in my kitchen, squealing with joy. REALLY ... my book?
Winning Miss America or being named The Outstanding Woman Speaker in America didn't hold a candle to the inexpressible joy I had with the first place for my words.
I was still speaking at least 3 days a week. The average audience is 600. Sold many books.
In almost every city, "my story" was on the front page of the Sunday Lifestyle section in the local newspaper. Sold many books were sold ... so many lives were touched.
Four years after it was published, a New York publisher called and said, "We would like to buy your book."
I was VERY interested in that. We talked for a very long time. She said, "You know, you have two books here—your story and then another on educating parents on how to talk to their children, how dangerous college campuses are, and much more."
“I do know that. But people are not going to buy the last chapters in a stand-alone book. I have to ‘hook them’ before I can educate them."
Then she said, "The title - Miss America By Day - are you committed to that title?”
Thinking about her words, I responded, "Let me understand. If you buy and republish my book, you can make any changes you want."
"Yes, but always with your input." But you would have the final say?"
"Thank you very much. I am not interested in selling."
She continued, "We would make it very financially rewarding to you."
"This is not about money. Thank you so much for your interest." And I hung up.
My book was self-published when I was 65. I am now 85. Its readers are global. Foreign rights have been sold and the checks still come in, with Amazon being the biggest seller for both eBook and print editions.
THE MOST AMAZING THING IS ... People are still writing me about how my book has impacted their lives.
Whew.
